Pathetic Gamer Sues: “I can’t function Cuz I’m a Douche”

A loser that desperately needs a girlfriend and to move out of his mom’s moldy basement
has sued NCSoft for his wild addiction to Lineage II. Apparently Mr. Smallwood (real
name) has piled up over 20,000 hours of game time and has become crippled by his
unnatural addiction to this game.

Mr. Smallwood has become “unable to function independently in usual daily activities such as getting up, getting dressed, bathing or communicating with family and friends.” If you
personally know Chuck Norris, please call him and have him karate chop this kid’s face in half.  Thank You.

I thought that my 600+ of hours playing some form of CS (Source, 1.6, CZ) was bad, this kid has over 20,000 hours of experience under his belt. The period of time this douche racked up these hours was from 2004-2009. Now let’s do some math…

That means Mr. Smallwood spend on average 4,000 hours a year with this game, or 333.33 hours a month, or about 11 hours a day. GET A F****** LIFE. I don’t know whether to crown this guy the king of game or keep bashing him. I’ll choose the later. GET A F****** LIFE.

Smallwood is claiming, through his scum-bag lawyer of course, that the company is negligent, that they should have put a warning on the box that the game may be addicting. And we’re all very sure that if Mr. Smallwood had read that warning on the box, he would have not become a total blob. I hope that the Judge fines the law firm representing this wild man, and orders him never to touch an electrical device ever again. If only dreams did come true…

Airborne Gamer
Airborne Gamer
Gaming is my medicine and writing is my drug. Is it making sense now? "WELCOME TO WARP ZONE!"

i wonder if he sleeps in his gaming chair. thats really sad 11 hours a day, everyday. I mean i have done thos all nighters with my friends but thats like 1 every 3 weeks not every day.


I know, he needs to go down in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the "true" 40 year old virgin. Then someone should randomly run into his house and chop off his dick. Maybe then he would move out of his mom's house.